tales-from-the-tabletop:

So a few years ago my best friend and I were playing in a campaign together run by a mutual friend. I was playing an elf druid and he was playing a gnome illusionist. We quickly discovered several ways to ruin just about anything our DM threw at us, but there was one incident that almost got is kicked out of the group.

The party was wandering pretty aimlessly through a forest looking for an orc encampment when we spot an orc scout hiding in the bushes. Fortunately, he didn’t see us. The ranger wanted to start shooting at him but I managed to talk him down and said that myself and the gnome would handle it.

Well the gnome cast Mirror Image, creating a duplicate image of himself right in front of the orc that would do everything he did. Immediately, he starts dancing around (my friend acting this out next to the table as he describes it) and the orc is so befuddled he doesn’t even attack.

The gnome then dropped his pants and began to urinate at the orc. This is where I came in. I cast Create Water, which creates a gallon of water PER CASTER LEVEL. I forgot about this until it was too late. Anyways, the image of the gnome starts pissing two gallons of water on the orc, who by now is furious, but before he can attack, I cast a second spell (whose name escapes me) causing the water to burn.

The orc then proceeded to run in terror from the fire-pissing-gnome and returned to the camp with his tale of how a dancing gnome peed fire all over him. The chieftain of the tribe was so annoyed by this obviously farfetched tale that he had the scout beheaded.

prettycolors:

#9b3cc3

prettycolors:

#9b3cc3

carpeumbra:

kittengrin:

kittengrin:

carpeumbra:

kittengrin:

carpeumbra:

Fifty Shades of Domestic Abuse

50 Shades of Damaging Stereotypes 

Fifty Shades of Wanna Guess How Many People Will Be Hospitalized Due To Flesh Wounds From Improper Knots After The Movie?

50 Shades of Glorified Abuse

50 Shades of Kidney Damage from Incompetent Crop Use

Fifty Shades of Pathological Violence Due To Past Trauma Isn’t Kink

cleolinda:

cinematicnomad:

apparently e.l. james called former child star mara wilson (matilda) a “sad fuck” for critiquing the 50shades books a while ago and now there’s a feud. i love it.

Artist: Fall Out Boy
Track: Young Volcanoes (Sped Up)

lizhas21guns:

Do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby? 
Yeah!

Young Volcanoes sped up and high pitched is actually the cutest thing ever

stop calling bi, poly, and pan girl lesbians 2k14

Unless they also identify with the term lesbian because that is perfectly okay.

(Source: trans-carlos)

genderoftheday:

genderoftheday:

Todays Genders of the day are: Toad ready to party, and Toad very excited (with his legs showing)

I am officially replacing the male/female gender binary with this. You’re either a Toad ready to party or a Toad very excited (with legs showing).

genderoftheday:

genderoftheday:

Todays Genders of the day are: Toad ready to party, and Toad very excited (with his legs showing)

I am officially replacing the male/female gender binary with this. You’re either a Toad ready to party or a Toad very excited (with legs showing).

I have two daughters, so I’m raising two future women. Maybe! I mean, one of them might be a guy later. It’s possible. It could happen. Someday one of my daughters could be like ‘Dad, I’m really a guy’ and I’ll be like ‘Alright well let’s get you a dick, honey. We’ll get you the nicest dick in town.’

Louis CK (reason #94826 why he’s the best comedian)

Somewhere along the way, Louis CK become society’s ideal father and I’m 100% okay with this.

(via mildlyamused)

(Source: redlipstickineverybloodtype)

Anonymous sent: What bothers me about Hogwart's paintings is that they're all realistc or medieval-ish and just makes me wonder what happens if a wizard paints some cubist nonsensical shit. Would it move? Would it talk? Would it ask you for the password, or would it tell you about the meanings of within? I guess we'll never know because Dumbledore is not a fan of modern art

maisiewilliams:

this is a solid question

sofriel:

tickatocka:

a kitten trying super hard to fight a ceramic cat statue

THANK U 4 THIS

momochanners:

endofdaysonmars:

korrigan-sidhe:

witchlingfumbles:

amandaonwriting:

Plotting by J.L. Bell

It’s so beautiful.

THIS
THIS IS MAGNIFICENT MY GODS

IMPORTANT!!!

momochanners:

endofdaysonmars:

korrigan-sidhe:

witchlingfumbles:

amandaonwriting:

Plotting by J.L. Bell

It’s so beautiful.

THIS

THIS IS MAGNIFICENT MY GODS

IMPORTANT!!!

image

huffingtonpost:

THIS GENIUS MACHINE FEEDS STRAY DOGS IN EXCHANGE FOR RECYCLED BOTTLES

The Turkish company Pugedon has created a vending machine that’s dispensing help for both the environment and our furry friends.

Watch the machine in action here.

sarcasticallysassy:

lovedtypething:

it is illegal to be gay in 76 countries

it is illegal to be gay in 76 countries

it is illegal to be myself in 76 countries

that’s about 39% of all the countries in the world

gay marriage is legal in about .07% of countries

don’t fucking talk to me about straight pride ever again

prettycolors:

#79748b

prettycolors:

#79748b

It’s seven o’clock in the morning and I have a fucking Hannah Montana song stuck in my head.